Dressclown's Blog


Two Less Teeth and Salt Watered Dogs July 9, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — dressclown @ 4:59 am

“Hi, I’m Dressclown. And I’ve been off the beach for one week now.”

Not by choice, I might add.  I had my two lower wisdom teeth pulled last Thursday.  I was supposed to be at a spa/resort in the desert with the husband type person for a week to celebrate our ten year wedding anniversary.  We actually got there and had to come back, I was in such pain. Long story short, they did need to come out, and I’m glad they are out. But I’m not thrilled to have traded 80 minute massages, picnic dinners under falling stars and filthy sex for ice packs, Vicodin and my gum being stitched to my cheek. Well, okay. The Vicodin was fun.

But I’m also not thrilled to have to spend at least two more weeks away from the beach. I’m really missing it already, even though I’m just starting to feel a bit more energized. (Turns out, you have to eat real food to have energy. Who knew?)

The closest I’m getting to salt water is my thrice daily gentle rinses after “meals.”  This whole surgery and salt water combo reminds me of my childhood ENT, Dr. Busby. Try saying that name without smiling! He took my tonsils out and I still loved him, that’s how cool he was.  I am pretty sure he was a surfer, but he was definitely a beach nut.  Once, when I was around 7, I accompanied my mother to an appointment with him. She had a raging sinus infection and was in so much pain she was in tears, poor thing. I specifically remember him telling her to go straight to the beach, stick her face in the water and inhale.  He didn’t prescribe antibiotics. He prescribed salt water. Now, this was circa 1978 when you could still do such a thing in California. Now, you’d come back with a nose full of infection that you didn’t have to begin with. But back in the day, it was relatively clean enough to do this and it worked. She was better that afternoon. That was the beginning of my mother’s obsession with the Neti Pot. But that’s a whole ‘nother thing.  My point is that all this got me thinking about just how good salt water might be for our bodies.  I know I’ve gargled with it when I’ve been sick with a cold and it takes away sore throat pain easier and for longer than an aspirin. I’ve spent the past week making my own little sterile warm ocean in a shot glass every four hours and it certainly helped the legions of sores in my mouth from the surgery.

So I started to wonder what else salt water can do and exactly WHY it’s so great. So I googled it. And …….I found nothing remotely useful. But I can tell you there’s a large following of Salt Water devotees in the world. Trouble is, everyone seems to think it does something different than the next person. Some people think if you ingest large quantities of salt water, you can cure yourself of any and all illness or disease. (Perhaps the idea is that if you vomit enough you can get the illness out? I’m not a doctor but I’m pretty damn sure there’s going to be some vomiting involved with that shit.)  Others claim it cures specific illnesses, like diabetes and metabolic disorders. Probably not high blood pressure.

One guy has a website claiming salt water ingestion can aid in the vanquishing of ghosts and possessions. Check out his scientific chart.  

But really, salt water might be good for us for other reasons.  I mean, it makes sense. We came from the ocean and we’re mostly salt and water ourselves, so perhaps there is something regenerative – though not exactly demon repulsing – about salt.  What do you think?

Other than salt water and teeth, the other thing I’m thinking about these days is Surf Dog. Good old Bill has his custom made cart about four blocks from our house, right by the beach access.  He’s a bit of an institution around here. An old prizefighter from the East Coast, you’d actually never know Bill wasn’t a native. He’s got some amazing stories if you catch him at a quiet time and sit on the rocks to eat your dog. He’s always in a good mood and has the best hot dogs in the area. I can’t vouch for anything other than the turkey dogs and the veggie dogs, but those are amazing. He even has real Dodger Dogs for summer. I’ve been getting hot dogs from Bill since….forever. And I’m practically salivating right now thinking about being able to gum a turkey dog with my remaining teeth. I. Can’t. Wait.  And I can’t wait to see Bill, the sweetheart.  What’s not to love about a guy who calls you Beauty, or Smiley or Bright Eyes and gives you an extra piece of licorice or a bag of chips with your dog, just because? Awww, Bill.

I’ll be out there soon, Bill. Make mine a double. With a side of salt water in a shot glass.


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